Sunday, April 22, 2018

改变不可怕

我还真的生过病才知道其实还真的需要在真的还年轻的时候做些能够回忆一辈子的事情
我的生活 从小就是念书 念到大学毕业 之间没有休息过 终于大学也毕业了
毕业后的半年 迷茫了半年也打了散工半年 半年之后觉得应该存点钱
这个想法就让我变成了钱的奴隶 一个星期上七天班 这个状况也维持了半年多
在打了一份没有意义的工之后 才发现这个年纪 只是看钱其实有点不切实际
没有经验 没有特高学历的情况下赚钱 根本就是平地推石头
这才开始找了不同的义工 至少可以学一些经历一些不一样的事情
认识不同的人 看看大家为了生活究竟在怎么努力 经历丰富生活的动力也不一样

虽然现在还是提不起劲找工作 什么都提不起劲做
我想说应该慢慢让自己改变 不要逼迫自己 之前压抑的好辛苦 虽然说是压抑 可是我心甘情愿
就是觉得这个年纪不知道赚钱的苦 也不能够体会存钱是多么难得一件事情
从一步一步踏出舒适圈很心不甘情不愿 到现在很开心自己有所改变
现在 开始找工作 开始重新学习我的韩语 开始去运动为了健康也为了减肥
趁年轻让自己漂亮一次 总是要在这个年纪为自己多做一些
一味着觉得等下次 等我有钱 等有机会 那真的也只能够等了

说真的之前的自己都活的唯唯诺诺 为了省钱 为了爸爸妈妈开心 为了不让爸爸妈妈弟弟失望 为了这个社会的眼光 虽然说我现在还是不知道自己要些什么
我很习惯等 等有钱等有机会 现在我知道没有多余钱就存就赚 没有机会就让自己有机会
以前为了钱 好吃的不敢吃 好看的不敢买 想用的不舍得 想去的地方不舍得花钱
想学的不想浪费钱学 现在我知道
要这些就存钱 该花的就花 不尝试何来的了解自己
我现在真的不知道自己喜欢什么 擅长什么 我可能真的没有比较擅长的东西
喜欢的东西肯定就有 可是我自己真的不知道

我不想到了30岁还不知道 该做些什么让自己开心
不想到了那个年纪才发现自己能够激情的时候没有珍惜机会激情
我现在已经没有两年前的那种冲动 不会为了感情哭的稀里哗啦
看见身边比我年长的人 都做好要安安稳稳平平淡淡生活的准备了
我害怕我自己彪悍过就到了那个向往平平淡淡的生活的年纪
至少在这个应该疯狂不顾后果的年纪做一些以后回想起来会笑会哭会嫌弃的事情


Wednesday, February 7, 2018

好走陌生人

自己一个人看了前任3 前两部都有看 这部就听说很火 就搞的我很想看 我就觉得没有差

我知道我没有东西好对号入座的 主题曲插曲都没有听 就留着看电影的时候留个深刻印象
看了过后觉得幸好是自己一个人看的 哭成狗
歌的效果还真的超级到位 很久没有哭的这么痛快
不同的年纪看应该有不同的感觉 以后可以再看看

我分手的感觉应该不再深刻 可是剧情还是贴地 对白句句戳心
一开始看还觉得剧情无聊 到重点的时候 还真的哭成狗了
分手该体面 搜歌的时候还看到一堆抖音影片 看着影片里的人 都哭成狗
应该就是对号入座 亲身体验

看完觉得我分手的感觉真的不再深刻 可是痛感还在 我的分手不体面 不干净利落 我也等了4年
从一开始的喜欢 到了最后的只剩下回忆 4年已经谈不上喜不喜欢 就算是喜欢也就是喜欢以前的回忆  我曾经觉得我等就有用 还不就是败给了那句 一个觉得不会走 一个觉得会挽留
最后说散就散 还真贴切啊

无可否认这部戏回响真的太大了
再见前任再见初恋 说真的 我没有对号入座 我觉得剧情都会惹人哭
我也真的 再见前任很久了 好走陌生人

Saturday, February 3, 2018

放心 我很好

曾几何时 我开始用英文来抒发我的心情 (就在这个我的中文退不了英文没有变很好的阶段)
这篇写得有点频密 我这次是真的想写 推特的程度已经不足以让我说我想说的

说实在的出国这件事情 到现在我都是特别特别感恩的 也这样我得到很多 失去也很多
我真的明白距离真的是一回事 科技发达真的不足以弥补距离惹的祸
可能我活的太大安旨意了吧 以为现在拥有的会一直拥有着 其实并不会 我这两天还真的有点灰
唉 都词不达意了都 我以为会一直好下去的人 不再好了 我惊见这些变化来得太突然
可能就是我看的少 我相信这一切的发生总会有原因 我也相信且支持全部决定

这TMD都别人的事 我在过不去什么实在是 可能就是我不想要我很爱的人不开心
我也不晓得我是太惜情还是太天真 我曾想象过要是哪一天他们要真的结婚
婚礼上的人肯定觉得我就是个前女友还是姐姐什么的 我觉得自己真的会哭成狗啊
好这一切都只是幻想 可我仍然希望这些会发生

我曾觉得很适合的两个人 原来他们之间也有隔阂有矛盾有距离 都怪我看的太容易了
一心希望他们幸福 就认为我身边的人就必须幸福快乐开心 结果他们伤心我不知道
两个这么好的人 怎么就变成这样了呢 有时候真的觉得要是我在他们身边多好啊
就是我爸爸妈妈弟弟一样 要是我一直在他们身边多好 可我父母也希望我能够有更好的生活
我想要他们开心 想要他们以后幸福 现在我就不想这么多 就做我该做的 希望我以后不会怪自己想得不够多

真的希望我很宝贝的两个人能够开心 能够依然相信爱情 相信会有适合的人
永远都相信你们可以好好的 永远都相信你们是最好的



放心 我很好




我有时候会觉得你会看我的部落格 嗯你也要幸福 

















Friday, January 12, 2018

Believe

Been busy, trying to get on track but never try hard enough. Not in the feel of  wanting to release some of my negativity to my blog, not in the mood of writing shit or maybe I am. 

Update of my life, nothing pretty much changes since last post, (technically I am writing this as a future reference of mine, could be kinda a tracker to see what I was doing), I, yes still having the same three jobs, which I will never forget, I suppose because they are just too special, the first job in my life and the job I stay for more than a year (not surprise but still, definitely because I've got a good boss), the first full time job of mine, and the job that the past me will never thought I will ever encounter, engage and loving it. 

Christmas and New year are both special this year cause mum visited, I never really express how happy I am when mum come but I am, I spent a lot of time with her, shopping eating casino-ing and more, in which, purely superb. 

Me sitting here 12/01/2018 (11:15pm) the minute I am writing this sentence, finally got a break from work and sitting down to do something I used to love to do. Still make me happy, dedicate some time writing stuff that I would laugh at in the future is definitely worth it, believe me. I would be glad that I did update my blog, I mean a little bit. But technically this paragraph is redundant tbh. 

I sometimes hate realization cause some of them hurt, a lot. Wasn't saying that I am blaming someone, but, a best friend of mine (not sure if I am still the best friend), like completely forgot about my birthday, not even a message after 9 days, I tbh forgot his too, but I wished the next day. Nyah, not blaming him, we are all busy now, and what can I blame on, distance, time, life, age, which separated us further and further. (Can't be bother checking my grammar, future me please critics on my grammar, it's okay). Ofc, wishing everyone I know is good and happy, sincerely. 

Work life sucks, working something that is not my preference is worse, working just for money in some sense, the worst. Well, I am still doing it which means it hasn't hit my limit yet, but not far. It is always good to know more people and having friends, but wasn't the age that can take everyone as friend anymore, I can barely get close friends now, purely because it take ages for me to build trust, in which, in some case, I never will. God bless me, please let my best friends stay in my life and that's all that matters. 

Okay, I assume I have enough bullshits here, future me, please be happy, smile when you finish this post, thanks yourself who wrote all these at the regular bed time of yours. Everything will be fine, I highly believe that. Believe in yourself. 








Tuesday, August 15, 2017

To many more years of love.

TBH, I usually like to start my sentence with tbh.
Okay back to what I wanted to share at the first place.
After many months with no English writing required, I can feel how rusty my English writing is right after I finished whatever I have just wrote.
I know I am at the stage where my English get nothing better but at the same time Chinese becomes more shitty. I don't know how I get myself to this point, I just did yeah.

Okay I am out of track again. COME BACK.
TBH, I realize something all of sudden today, I guess people, I mean me at least realize thoughts just in a blink of an eye. I just realized that I might not living in this house in maybe let's say three years, there might be many changes that I couldn't foresee atm, but eventually there will be.
I know I am the individual who hate things to change, I want everything in my life stay as it always will be, in which, impossible.

Too many realization and that is a little unbearable, maybe it is just me that refuse to even thought about it. Too many feelings and too little skills to let those out in words, what a shame.

I know how much I hate when someone need to leave me or I will be leaving for some good reasons. Too late but never too late to realize that people come and go, there is so many changes after high school, that freakin good old times.
In high school, yes, knowledge need to be learnt gets harder every year, but people stays the same, even if people are leaving, majority folks around you never really change massively, and that is what I really care about at the end of the day.
I know how picky I am in getting to know friends but at the same times, I know how much I love them when I stay around them.

Times is kind of like the third wheel between me and all the memories that I treasure as hard as I could, despite my hard work, it fades, it fades every single freakin time when I try to think about it. Yet, all I know is that the feelings are always there.

Thank you people who stay in my life, also, I know I need to learn how to say a good good bye to people who left or will be leaving. Of course, I always know family will always stay. Letting go never easy, I always know I will eventually did it and I actually did. Hello, and Good-Bye. To many more years of family love, friend love, and partner for life.

Friday, April 14, 2017

谢谢你部落格

不知不觉这个部落格也快写了7年了 很怂的讲一句 这里记录了很多我的心情

以前的我很喜欢写部落格 不是因为什么 只不过我觉得 部落格是个很好抒发的地方
长大了 不是时间少了  也不是不喜欢部落格了 只不过 渐渐的不善于抒发
以前说没有部落格不知道会怎么样的我
现在的我想要告诉你 要珍惜现在 不见了的东西有时候真的再也找不回

谢谢你部落格 接下来的日子 依然 多多指教

Thursday, April 13, 2017

2017

2017, it's been four years since I came to Australia. Coming to Australia wasn't my decision at that time, however, I am very grateful that I technically made the decision (kind of, it was my parents' decision btw). Being able to stay in Australia is always unbelievable, I wouldn't even thought of owning a car before, and now I know it will be hard for me if I don't travel with car. I have been talking about this couples times, I was a, I guess, dependent person I suppose, or maybe my parents were over-protective solely because of my gender. I never ever get to catch public transport on my own in Malaysia (even now tbh). Australia is a place where I earn and learn. I thought I was independent enough, and apparently I was not, I still not but better I suppose. Australia is another stage of mine after high school, and University that is. Yes, after four years, I finished university. Despite of the hard time throughout the four-year course, it was one of the best memories. The high school me will never ever thought that I would be able to come to Australia and finish a degree here. That is purely unbelievable, even now I feel so. Coming to Australia wasn't my decision because I understand my parents' financial situation but they insist to send me to overseas. Their decision, persistent efforts, unlimited supports are all invaluable, and those were and are inspiring. Those are the reason why I never think of giving up. I couldn't thank enough but thank you is the only thing i can say for now. 2017, 5th year and now it is another stage. 

改变不可怕

我还真的生过病才知道其实还真的需要在真的还年轻的时候做些能够回忆一辈子的事情 我的生活 从小就是念书 念到大学毕业 之间没有休息过 终于大学也毕业了 毕业后的半年 迷茫了半年也打了散工半年 半年之后觉得应该存点钱 这个想法就让我变成了钱的奴隶 一个星期上七天班 这个状况也维...